


when i'm with you danger feels like a good thing

by doctorjimin (orphan_account)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Cheating, EUIGEON, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Unhealthy Relationships, some sexual content, the next few tags are possible in future chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-12 16:21:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/doctorjimin
Summary: Kang Daniel has two options. He can either be eaten by the beast, or become the beast himself.





	1. alias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kang Daniel got rid of his past a long time ago. But of course, that didn't mean that the past had forgotten about him.

Daniel finally considered himself to be happy. It'd been years in the making, but when he went to bed at night, there was no weight baring down on his chest. He laid down tonight like most nights for the past year, content with his work and content with the body curled up next to him, and he closed his eyes like he deserved it. It almost felt too good to be true. 

And then the phone rang.

Jisung stirred next to him, curling his head further into Daniel’s side. Daniel wrapped his arm a little bit tighter around Jisung’s shoulders, and reached for the phone. 

“Who is it?” Jisung whined, muffled by Daniel’s torso. “Who calls you at midnight on a Thursday?”

Daniel didn’t know, honestly. The number wasn’t programmed into his phone, but the area code was the same as all the numbers in his hometown. It could be his old neighbors, his mom, anyone who would still have his number from back at home. 

“I'm not sure, babe, let me get this. I’ll be right back,” Daniel said, shifting Jisung away from him so that he could stand up to leave the room. He whispered a “don’t wait up for me” before closing the door behind him.

He looked at the number one more time before answering, but it still seemed completely unfamiliar. He answered the phone quickly, almost whispering into the receiver.

“Hello?” Daniel said, but there was silence on the other end. An accidental call, maybe, but there was no background chatter, just silence. He talked into the phone again, just to check that there was no one there. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

“What are you doing up at this time of night, Kang Euigeon?”

Daniel felt his heart stop, and he had to will it to start beating again. A name he no longer called himself, coming from a voice he knew all too well. He thought about hanging up right then and there; he would block the number and go to bed and pretend it was all a bad dream. But the voice on the other end of the line was thick and sweet and it sounded so playful, even in the dead of night, and it sounded like something Daniel had been sure he would never hear again. And that voice, it asked him a question, so Daniel felt compelled to answer.

“I’m up because my phone rang. I woke up to answer it.” Daniel said, and he felt his jaw tightening as he talked back. “Why are you calling me?” 

“Oh, but didn’t you miss the sound of my voice?” The voice said, laughing loudly like it wasn’t the middle of the night. “I was calling because I have news for you, but I think part of me just missed the way that you sound right when you wake up. You know, the way your voice gets all low and scratchy. It’s been a long time since I heard you like that.”

“News?” Daniel said, but he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know what that meant. “Look, I’m not up for playing your games tonight.”

“Why not tonight, hmm?” he said, and Daniel had to sit down because he was having trouble thinking straight. “We could meet up tonight, if you wanted. Play some real games, like we used to.”

“I’m not interested.” Daniel said to the voice, but to himself just as much.

“Euigeon,” the voice said, coming closer to the phone, “don't act like you've forgotten about me. You told me I made you the happiest man on Earth. Are you happy now? Are you happy like you were when I was there?”

Daniel didn’t say anything. He didn't know if there was a right answer to the question.

“I hear you’re living with someone, but I assume it hasn't been very long. Kang Euigeon was never one to be domesticated.” The voice laughed to himself, “Jisung, is it? I always thought your type was a bit different. A bit stronger, a bit more demanding, not so soft.”

Daniel sucked air in through his teeth, not wanting to hear Jisung's name used against him. “Don’t talk about him.”

“Do you think about me when you’re with him? Do you forget his name? Do you wish it was me fucking you instead?” The voice said, still light and playful despite the words coming from his mouth. “Have you ever moaned my name instead?”

“Stop,” Daniel nearly yelled before remembering Jisung, asleep in the next room. “Stop.”

“Euigeon, if you didn’t want to hear it, you would've hung up already.”

And Daniel took the phone away from his ear and he looked at the red button and he thought about if he wanted to hear it or not. He put the phone back to his ear, and he heard the voice in the back of his head tell him not to.

“What do you want from me?” Daniel said as his hands began to shake just a bit too hard. 

“Just a few things, Euigeon--”

“Can you not call me that?” Daniel said, checking behind his shoulder just in case Jisung had woken up. “No one calls me Euigeon anymore. It’s just Daniel.”

“Then it works even better. To the rest of the world, you’re Daniel, but when you’re talking to me, you're Euigeon. My Euigeon.” The voice said. “Deal?”

As if Daniel had a choice.

“Okay.” Daniel said, and he felt his mouth form his own name for the first time in two, three years.

“So, what I want, first of all,” he said, “is the easiest thing you can do. I just want to hear you say my name. It’s been so long, I’ve almost forgot how it sounded.”

“I don’t know, I just…” Daniel said, but his voice trailed off when he realized he had no reason not to. “Seongwoo. Ong Seongwoo.”

He definitely had a reason not to. Not because he didn't want to admit who he was talking to, and not because he was afraid of giving Seongwoo the upper hand. It was because he tried to say Seongwoo’s name and he could hardly call it speaking when it was very clearly much closer to moaning. Judging from the soft chuckle on the other end of the phone, he wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“You always go above and beyond what I ask you to do. You’ve always been so good for me.” Seongwoo said, no, purred into the phone. “You sound pretty. And you sound like you have something to take care of once we get off the line.” 

“What else do you need from me?” Daniel said, and he couldn't believe the desperation in his voice. He tried to call himself down, but there was nothing logical he could do in this moment.

“Meet me tomorrow night. Find an excuse to come home for the weekend, without the extra baggage,” Seongwoo said. “I’ll send you the address of where I’m staying, all you have to do is get here. Can you do that for me?”

“Okay,” Daniel said, and the silence on the other end told him that the sentence was missing something. “Okay, Seongwoo.”

“Wonderful,” Seongwoo said, and he laughed again. Daniel couldn't find anything funny in the situation, but he knew that Seongwoo always did. “Get some rest, Euigeon. We have a lot of lost time to make up for.”

The line went silent without a goodbye and Euigeon was afraid to go back to bed. Jisung was there, waiting for Daniel, and Seongwoo was back at home, waiting for Euigeon. The living room was silent, but Euigeon’s thoughts were louder than gunshots, and he fell asleep on the couch with his phone clutched tightly in his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first fic in almost two years but!!! i hope you all enjoy :) chapters will be posted as theyre written. 
> 
> (also shoutout to the polygamy101™ chat for giving me the fuel to write about ong. i told you this was slimy.)


	2. bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I love you, Kang Daniel. Hurry back."
> 
> "I love you, Kang Euigeon, so if you're leaving, I'd like a promise that you're coming back."
> 
> Daniel can't decide if he's leaving home or going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's my writing playlist for this fic! it's called "risky (ongniel)" because i like nct and pain. it's all kpop, but i also have an english playlist that i'm working on with a similar feel. feel free to listen as you're reading :) it works best on shuffle https://open.spotify.com/user/jennasandwiches/playlist/14jlKJRmAUKwMZh6uFtfmc

_ He was stuck to the ground. He struggled to move, but he couldn’t move anything except for his eyes. He looked around, but it was too dark to see more than a few feet in every direction. He laid there, unable to move, staring into the dark sky for what felt like hours. The sound of footsteps shook him from a daze. _

_ “Who’s there?” _

_ The figure approached closer, and Daniel heard him laugh. Daniel was stuck to the ground in the middle of the darkness and all the figure could do was laugh. He felt a familiar sort of rage in the pit of his stomach, but he could do nothing but stay still. _

_ “Why can’t I move? Did you do this to me?” _

_ Daniel could now see the man approaching in his periphery. He was dressed in all black, and he looked down on Daniel as if he was a child. _

_ “Oh, poor Euigeon,” the man said, but his expression was masked by a dark hood. “I wish I could say that I was sorry for what I’m about to do.” _

_ Daniel felt a crushing weight on his chest, but he looked down, there was nothing there to hold him down. He was fighting with all of his might to move, to get away from the pressure, but every thought of moving made the invisible weight seem heavier. He shut his eyes hard as he felt his breaths grow shorter and shorter, and he could swear that he heard that man laughing again. _

 

Seongwoo laughed softly as Daniel opened his eyes.

“Euigeon,” Seongwoo said as he adjusted, his whole body draped over Daniel’s, “I figured you would be over the whole nightmare thing by now.”

_ Daniel _ , he reminded himself, just like every other time that Seongwoo said the wrong name. He was Daniel, Daniel, Daniel and no longer Euigeon.

“I’m sorry, Seongwoo, I don’t know what that was,” Daniel said, and he found himself wrapping his arms comfortably around the weight that had been suffocating him just moments before. “It just happens sometimes.” He hadn’t had a nightmare in two years, and he was aware of the source of his sleepless nights.

“Well, what was it about?” Seongwoo rolled off of Daniel and laid at his side, reaching over to bring Daniel’s head onto his chest. He played with Daniel’s hair, just the way he always used to like.

“I don’t remember,” Daniel said, and he tried his best to recall any details he could. “It was dark, and I couldn’t move. But I don’t really know what happened.”

Seongwoo hummed, and Daniel wasn’t really sure if he was listening. The hand in his hair gripped just a little bit tighter. “That’s alright, baby. I’ll be your dreamcatcher, alright? Just give all your bad dreams to me.”

Daniel fell asleep right then, and he must have given Seongwoo all his bad dreams, because it was the best he’d slept in months. 

 

When he woke up again, the room was cold. The sun was shining through the window right into his eyes, the blanket was on the floor, and he could hear the faint sound of something happening in the kitchen. It reminded him a lot of how things used to be. Things were never like that morning, with cuddles and reassurance and soft words. Usually, he would wake up alone and cold and something would feel a little bit off, but he always brushed it off before the next night came.

Daniel rolled over onto his back and watched his phone light up on the bedside table. Jisung’s picture smiled brightly as he held his parents’ unwilling dog up to the camera, and the nickname was something cutesy that Daniel couldn’t remember and couldn’t read through sleep-clouded eyes. He reached sluggishly for the phone and pulled it to his ear without ever moving his head from the pillow.

“Hello?”

He swore he heard Seongwoo say  _ I think part of me just missed the way that you sound right when you wake up _ , and he cleared his throat before trying again.

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby,” Jisung said, chipper and so beautifully unaware of where Daniel was on the other side of the phone. “How’s Mom and Dad?”

“They’re, uh, they’re great,” Daniel said, reminding himself that he had to take an ‘emergency trip’ to see his parents this weekend. “Mom’s feeling better, I think it must’ve just been one of those 24 hour bugs.”

“Oh, poor thing. Send her my love.” Jisung sighed into the phone, “Does that mean you’re on your way home?”

“I think I’m leaving later this evening,” Daniel said, pulling more and more of the story out of his ass. “I might go to the store for them this afternoon before I leave. I’m not really sure how late I’ll be back.”

“Well, don’t be too late, you have work in the morning,” Jisung said, and Daniel could hear the pout in his voice. “I love you, Kang Daniel. Hurry back.”

“I love you, Yoon Jisung.” Daniel felt bile crawl up the back of his throat. He was laying in another man’s bed, telling Jisung that he loved him. It felt like another nightmare. “Don’t wait up for me, alright?”

“No promises,” Jisung said, and Daniel mustered up a laugh. Jisung always fell asleep early, no matter how late he tried to stay up. He was in the clear to spend a few more hours here with Seongwoo.

He hung up the phone, letting it fall limply on the bed next to him. He felt like he needed to take a shower, like the filth inside of him had started working its way out.

“Who was that?” Seongwoo said, sticking his head in the door at the most inappropriate of times, as always. Daniel’s heart skipped two beats, once because Seongwoo scared him and once because it did that every time Seongwoo walked into a room.

“It was no one,” Daniel said as Seongwoo sat next to him on the bed and leaned down to kiss him. “No worries,” he said, muffled by Seongwoo’s lips.

And Seongwoo pulled away, abruptly and without warning, like he always does. Daniel heard himself whine a little bit, even though he didn’t mean to. Seongwoo laughs, and Daniel thinks this situation must be so funny to him.

“Are you going to leave Jisung?” Seongwoo said, leaning back down to kiss him again, but Daniel held his shoulder to stop him. 

“I don’t know yet,” Daniel said, “I need to think about it a bit.”

“Euigeon, if you didn’t want to be with me, don’t you think you would’ve left already?” Seongwoo said, one of his eyebrows quirking up. And Daniel sat there, mouth open just a little bit, because Seongwoo keeps asking these questions that he doesn’t really know how to answer, and that’s okay, because Seongwoo is kissing him again and Daniel is kissing back like his life depends on it and that’s all the answer that Seongwoo needs.

 

Daniel couldn’t help think about how different Seongwoo was from Jisung. 

When Daniel was with Jisung, it was always about going with the flow and seeing what happened. It was about soft touches and looking into each other’s eyes and saying  _ I love you  _ like they’re the only words that either one of them can remember. Nothing was set in stone, nothing was planned in advance, and there was never any goal to get to.

With Seongwoo, Daniel remembered what he really needed. It was about about rough kisses and  _ how dare you do anything without my permission  _ and bruises that he would have to hide for weeks only to be marked over just after they disappear. He knew what he was walking into every time he walked through Seongwoo’s door, since the very first time they got together. And he loved it. He didn’t say  _ I love you  _ but that was because he was too busy saying Seongwoo’s name instead.

Seongwoo pinned him down to the bed, and Daniel was always surprised by it, even though it was Seongwoo’s favorite thing to do. Daniel pushed back, fighting for control of his arms, and Seongwoo pushed down so hard that his hands left red rings around Daniel’s wrists. Daniel never fought back too hard, because he never wanted Seongwoo to let him go.

“What do you want?” Seongwoo said, and Daniel couldn’t find words in his mind. He just stared up at Seongwoo and the sweat already pooling on his forehead and he knew that  _ that _ was what he wanted, but he didn’t know how to say it.

“Come on, baby. Tell me what you want. I’m not doing anything until you tell me what to do,” Seongwoo said, and then he chuckled a little bit to himself. Daniel knew that Seongwoo though it was funny to pretend that Daniel had a choice, even though Seongwoo always had the final say. Daniel played along, though, because he loved the sound of Seongwoo’s laughed mixed with the way his voice sounded when he took control.

In Daniel’s head, he shuffled through responses. He knew well enough what Seongwoo liked, and he knew exactly what to say to get him worked up. He could say that he wanted Seongwoo to fuck him, he could say that he wanted something specific, but he decided to use that one that Seongwoo always liked the best.

“I want you to do whatever you want to me.”

Daniel wondered how hard it would be to cover up the bruises on his wrists, and his hips, and his collarbone, and his throat. He wondered if it was even worth covering up at this point.

 

Daniel shoves all of his clothes unceremoniously into his backpack at 9:30pm, approximately an hour past when he said he was going to leave.

“But do you have to do go?” Seongwoo said, mumbling into Daniel’s ear as he holds him from behind. Daniel can’t move very far with Seongwoo on him like this, and he thinks that might be on purpose. “I’m gonna miss you, Euigeon. We only just got back into the swing of things, and you’re leaving.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, holding Seongwoo’s hands where they rest on his stomach, “I have a job, I can’t just not show up.”

Seongwoo let go with a huff, dramatic as always. “We both know that’s not why you’re going back.”

Daniel feels like he’s spent most of the weekend trying (and failing) to respond to Ong Seongwoo. 

“Seongwoo, please,” Daniel said, turning around to find Seongwoo standing with his arms crossed, bottom lip sticking out. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“You’re already cheating on him,” Seongwoo said, his voice to casual for the words. “You’d be doing him a favor if you dumped him, saving him a lot of heartbreak. And you’d be doing yourself a favor too, don’t you think? I’ll move into the city with you, and things will be just like they used to be. We’d be happy.”

“Do you remember how happy we were?” Seongwoo said, walking towards Daniel, putting his hand on Daniel’s arm. “This weekend, everything felt right again. It’s just the way it ought to be; we’re together and we’re happy. This is what I want. This is what we both want.”

Daniel repeated the words in his head.  _ This is what we want.  _ This was what he wanted, this is what Seongwoo said that they wanted. 

“I love you, Kang Euigeon,” Seongwoo said, “so if you’re leaving, I’d like a promise that you’re coming back.”

“I love you too, Ong Seongwoo.” The words came out of Daniel’s mouth before he thought about what they meant, or if he meant them. But he watched Seongwoo’s smile grow so big that his cheeks twitched, so he figured it had to be a good thing to say. “And I promise, I’ll get this sorted out, and I’ll come back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2!!!! this story is so much to write so i hope you're enjoying it! also i tried to make it not too smutty because i'm not about writing that stuff but the whole tone of the story is a bit explicit so... it can't be avoided at times.


	3. control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel goes home and sees how much he doesn't deserve to be there.

When Daniel came inside at nearly 2AM, Jisung was there, curled up on the couch.

“Fuck,” Daniel muttered to himself, because the last thing he needed right now was someone that loved him the way Jisung did. “Jisung, wake up, let’s go to bed.”

Jisung stirred for a moment and his eyes opened just enough to see Daniel hovering over him. A sleepy grin spread across his face, and he reached his hands up towards his best friend. 

“Niel, I missed you,” he said, and Daniel leaned down and picked him up like it was second nature (because it was). Jisung nuzzled his face into Daniel’s shoulder and mumbled something that Daniel couldn't quite understand against his skin. 

“What, baby?” Daniel said, his hand rubbing up and down Jisung's back. 

“I don’t like when you leave. Please don’t ever leave me.”

Daniel laid Jisung on their shared bed and kissed him quickly on the temple, muttering an  _ I’ll be right back, ok?  _ as he snuck out into the hallway.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He wished he didn’t know the number. 

 

_ I miss you already, Euigeon. Did you get home okay?  _

 

Daniel wanted to break his phone. He wanted to erase the messages and delete his call history and pretend like none of this had ever happened.

But it happened, and he knew that Seongwoo planned on it happening again.

_ how do you tell your boyfriend you cheated on him with your ex?  _ he typed into Google, almost hitting the search button before deciding that it wouldn't help him. He swiped away the message from Seongwoo and locked his phone and he decided that this would be the end of it. He could fix his mistake by simply pretending that it never happened. He made sure to put his phone on silent before he stepped back into the bedroom.

“I can't sleep without you,” Jisung said, his eyes closed but his brain awake. “I’ve slept maybe six hours all weekend.”

“I haven't slept much either,” Daniel said. He figured that he wasn't technically lying, because he hadn't slept much at all. There wasn't much down time when he was around Seongwoo, and when the other man finally went to sleep at night, Daniel returned to the nightmares that he had almost forgotten about.

“Did you have, you know…” Jisung said, sitting up on his elbows. He was more awake now, listening to the bit of strain in Daniel’s voice.

“Yeah. Yeah, I had nightmares.” Daniel said. He closed his eyes, because this was really not what he wanted to talk about right now and he knew exactly where this conversation was headed. 

“Were they about him?” 

“Can we not talk about him?” 

Jisung moved back a bit at the was Daniel raised his voice. He could see that Daniel’s face was turning pale, even in the dark, and he reached his hand over to take Daniel’s own.

“Hey, Kang Daniel. I love you. Look at me, please.” Jisung took his other hand up to turn Daniel’s head towards him. “You don't need to worry about that anymore. I’m here. I’m with you. That part of your life is over. I know going home might have made you remember some bad times, but he isn't there anymore. I am here, and I love you, Kang Daniel.”

Daniel kissed Jisung. He kissed Jisung because he didn't know what else to do. He had tears already staining his cheeks but he knew he would only cry harder if he let go. He put his hand on the back of Jisung's neck and he kissed him until Jisung started to pull away. Jisung always wanted to talk through things, and usually Daniel would oblige, but talking was not his favorite option right now.

“Let’s get some sleep, okay?” Jisung said as he pushed a tear off of Daniel’s cheek with his thumb. “And any bad dreams that you might have, you send them right through me. I’ll be your own personal dream catcher.”

Daniel put his head into Jisung’s chest when he sobbed, because he couldn't dare look that man in the eyes. 

 

_ You didn't answer me last night, Euigeon. Don't make me come up there and see you for myself. Call me tonight. _

 

Daniel hated mornings. Daniel hated Monday mornings even more. Daniel hated this particular morning more than any morning in the history of humanity. 

“Good morning, love,” Jisung said as he felt Daniel stir at his side. “You've got work today, so you better get going.” 

Daniel felt a kiss on the top of his head, and he felt it travel down his skin with searing heat. He felt sick to his stomach, and he almost forgot why. He didn't deserve to be called  _ love _ . He didn't deserve to have warm arms around him in the morning. He didn't deserve to ever see morning again. 

“Kang Daniel, time’s wasting, you can't be late. And you can't call in just because you'd rather sleep.” Jisung said, his hand reaching up and pushing through Daniel’s hair. It was wet with sweat, a telltale sign of a bad night, but he decided not to mention it. 

Daniel sat upright quickly, almost pushing Jisung over in the process. He felt so angry at himself, and he felt so angry at Jisung for loving such a horrible person. If only Jisung knew, he would have left Daniel before he even had time to think it over. Jisung was a smart man, he knew what he wanted, but he didn't know the truth.

Daniel kissed Jisung impulsively, which he seemed to be doing more and more of. This time, it’s not slow and loving and apologetic. Daniel kissed Jisung like Seongwoo kissed Daniel and Daniel couldn’t help but wonder if this was how it feels to cause pain rather than to receive it. 

“Daniel,” Jisung said in a breath, “we don't have time for this right now.”

“Do as I tell you to,” Daniel said, and he watched as Jisung's eyes went from confused to lustful in seconds. Daniel pushed Jisung back down onto the bed, hovering over him like a hawk over its prey. Jisung looked vulnerable in the best of ways, his hair pushed up in different directions and his mouth open just a bit. 

“Shit,” Daniel said as he looked at Jisung, imagining how he himself looked right now. He was predatory, looking at someone who was so ready to do whatever he wanted. And he heard a voice somewhere in the back of his mind, and it told him that he was out of place.

_ Euigeon, you don't know how control. You can only do as you're told. Even now, when all the control is in your hands, the only thing you know to do is do to him what I do to you. _

Daniel stood up, pushing off the bed and grabbing his clothes quickly from where they hung by the door, where Jisung had set them out the night before. Jisung sat up on his elbows, looking confused as Daniel walked out of the bedroom and towards the door. 

“What are you doing?” Jisung said as he bounded into the living room, a confused mess. Daniel just shook his head to Jisung, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys. He opened the door, his work clothes clutched tight in one hand and dark bags hanging under his eyes.

“Kang Daniel, I love you,” Jisung said, stopping Daniel, even if only for a moment, “and I’ll still be here when you get home.”

Daniel began to feel sick as he turned away from Jisung and walked out the door. The tears in his eyes blocked his vision, but he walked on, because he was afraid of what he would say if he went back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a long time coming so i hope you enjoyed!


End file.
